When is cheating on someone actually “cheating”?

Most people would agree that if you’re married and you have sex with someone who isn’t your spouse, that’s cheating. And most people would say it’s unfaithful to kiss someone else. But is flirting infidelity? Or if your spouse calls their ex just to catch up–does that qualify as betrayal?

Regardless of your answer, there’s a significant chance your significant other has a different definition of cheating than you do. And when two people in a relationship have a differing “cheater meter”, conflict is inevitable. Suddenly, the relationship once full of potential is now full of mistrust, all because two people have differing ideas of what “cheating” means.

Surprisingly enough, what Jesus says about sex actually helps you define what is (and isn’t) cheating, and goes a long way to helping you have a happy and healthy relationship.

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– So when is cheating on
someone actually cheating?
[upbeat music]
Hey, everybody, my name is Chris Paavola
and welcome to “What Jesus Says About,”
where Jesus speaks for himself,
so you can respond for yourself.
And don’t forget to hit like and subscribe
and that little bell, so
you can say up-to-date
on what Jesus says about
topics important to you.
So okay, if you’re
married, and you have sex
with somebody who isn’t your
spouse, that’s cheating.
But if you’re married and
you kiss somebody else,
is that cheating?
Okay, okay, but what
about if you’re married,
and then you just kind of
flirt with somebody else,
is that cheating?
It’s just flirting.
Or flip it, let’s say you’re
married and your spouse calls
an ex just to catch up
and talk about things,
is that cheating?
Now surprisingly enough,
what Jesus says about sex
actually will help you define
what is and isn’t cheating.
The word Jesus would
use to describe cheating
is this word adultery.
And there’s this one time
where he’s sitting with a group of people,
trying to describe and
define this word adultery,
and it seems like everyone
who’s listening to him
is super proud and self-righteous
that they’re not adulterers,
because they’ve never had sex
with anyone who isn’t their spouse.
So Jesus says to them,
“You have heard it said,
“‘Thou shall not commit adultery,'”
and you can kinda see the crowd.
They’re sitting there going,
“Yep, I’ve heard that,
“and I’ve never committed adultery.
“My spouse is right here,
never cheated on her,”
and there’s another guy who’s
like, “I’m not even married.
“I’ve never committed adultery.”
And Jesus kinda interrupts
their thoughts and says,
“Okay, but I tell you
anyone who looks lustfully
“at another woman has
already committed adultery
“with them in their heart.”
[crickets chirping]
Wait, what?
And what Jesus is saying
is adultery isn’t so
much about your actions.
It’s about your heart,
and that really shouldn’t surprise us.
That’s totally Jesus’ M.O.
But Jesus throws this other word in there
that helps define adultery
and when cheating is cheating.
It’s this word lust.
Lust is the line.
So let’s go back to
our cheater meter here.
If you’re married, can you kiss somebody
who isn’t your spouse?
Well, not if you do
this thing called lust.
Or if you’re married, can
you have a long phone call
and flirt with somebody
who isn’t your spouse?
Well, not if you do
this thing called lust.
And now it doesn’t even matter
if you’re married or not,
because if you’re looking at somebody
or you’re looking at an image or a video,
and your heart crosses
into this line called
lust, that’s cheating.
Lust is the line.
And now this raises a
really interesting question.
How do you define lust?
Like, really, take a
moment and just think.
How do you define lust?
At first glance, I was like,
“Oh, that’s an easy word,”
but the more I think about it,
this lust of the heart thing,
it’s a really hard word to define.
So I’d love to hear your definition.
What is your definition of lust?
Leave it in the comment section below.
According to Jesus, when you take the time
to define this word lust,
you are taking a step towards
healthier relationships.